Tuesday, February 26, 2013

A side order of guilt

Apropos of last night's post, I can't think of anything to blog about tonight. All I can think about is that I have my weight check-in tomorrow morning, and I know I've made a few *questionable* decisions this week, so I'm hoping the scale will have mercy on me. I'm also wondering which of my clothes are the absolute lightest.

I'm also thinking about our impending trip to Las Vegas and (not surprisingly) all of the off-plan foods I will be eating while I'm there. I don't intend to eat whatever the hell I want whenever I want it, but I am planning a few predetermined meals that actually have (gasp!) carbs in them. I imagine it will be easier to enjoy my transgressions if I have a good weigh-in this week.

I can't believe I'm blogging about this. About dieting. I hate it that I have such a negative and unhealthy relationship with food and weight right now. This is hardly a new issue in my life; still, it's been exacerbated by (what, you thought I wasn't going to mention it tonight?) The Cancer. You see, for a whole year, it seemed like I was working OVERTIME on the Get Fat project. Freshly off of 12 months of chemotherapy--three kinds! at once!--my taste buds began to work again, slowly recognizing the joy and succulence of things like Beli Deli turkey sandwiches on Dutch Crunch rolls and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups that I had gone without for so long. Seriously, for a good 14 months, it was nothing but dry bagels and the occasional bowl of Kix with rice milk for me. And my poor Temodar, Avastin and Tarceva laden tummy didn't even accept THAT menu of beige very well. Hell, I was pretty damn sure I'd be dead in a year or two anyway, so I might as well enjoy the things that tasted good while I could. You know what didn't taste good? Broccoli. And self control.

Hey--I guess I DO know what to blog about tonight!

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