Saturday, March 02, 2013

Grazi, Palazzo

Is there such a thing as too much Vegas? Well, I think we all know that the answer to that is a big, resounding "DUH."

As this getaway comes to as close, I take pride in my highly refined ability to know when to say when to the City of Sin, and ensure that this is not a Too Much trip.

Now you can benefit from my time-tested wisdom so that you, too, can enjoy just the right amount of what Las Vegas has to offer.

1. Quantity, not quality. This applies to just about everything, especially alcohol. If 14 free well drinks are good, 16 are better.

2. When choosing a restaurant, look for the menu with the highest number of deep fried or crunchy items. This is applicable to both a romantic dinner out and a 3 am fill up. This method is less effective when gelato and fro yo are involved, in which case, you can replace "deep fried" and "crunchy" with "chocolate" and "caramel."

3. Is your kid expecting you to bring him home a souvenir? The pen and notepad from the hotel room totally count.

4. Save money by sleeping AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. You can't lose money at blackjack if you're snuggled up all cozy in your bed.

5. If you like to play slots, choose machines that have celebrity associations--and the more obscure, the better. For example, Wheel of Fortune is a great choice with Pat and Vanna watching down on you as you load another $5 into the cash slot, but the Caddyshack machine gives you a healthy double dose of Rodney Dangerfield and Bill Murray--plus a gopher! Extra tip: avoid jungle-themed machines. A crowded casino is no place for a tiger.

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