Sunday, January 27, 2013

Flying with Satan's Chief Negotiator

To the passengers of today's 3 pm flight from San Diego: yes, our five year old can be a total asshat. The whining, the bickering, the blaming, the loud and demanding voice, the threats, the disproportionate claims of wrongs perpetrated against him--all of it must be expressed, discussed, debated and reexamined at a volume high enough for eeeeeeeeeeeeveryone on the airplane to hear him, and to hear his plea for gummy snacks, AKA his rightful possession, and obviously part of his mother's plot to rid his life of joy.

Please understand that during the 30 minute battle, we tried to negotiate a peace treaty, a simple and gentle exchange of verbal claims of good will. This, too, was met with a loud and high-pitched protest against the degrading implication that any of his claims were less than god's honest truth and the only suitable way to handle this injustice would be for him to GET MORE GUMMY SNACKS.

In the end, the delegates from The Grown-Ups met with the delegates from That Asshat Kid, and a mutual push toward happiness for all was established. Currently, both parties are enjoying the last 20 minutes of the flight back to San Francisco, with the promise of a great era of peace and prosperity on the horizon.

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