Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tears for Fears

So far this week, I have cried while watching the following TV shows:
    1. Cold Case
    2. Medium
    3. House
Each time, the waterworks were brought on by the idea of a happy young family being torn apart by tragedy in the form of untimely death. Cold Case was the real kicker, the only show that made me all-out sob. This has always been one of my two biggest fears, that I would have a happy, young family and that it would be the victim of a tragic death. I think I started having this fear when I was about 11 or 12 years old (the same time I started having my fear of being thrown in a Mexican prison and neither my family nor my government could ever find me or get me out.). I blame this fear on Ashley Judd; I think this basic premise befell her in some movie that took place in Florida, except that it involved drug lords. For some reason, my early-to-mid-week crime dramas this week all touched on this very real fear, and it totally effected me. I don't usually mind watching shows about people dying or being victims of violent crime (remember last week's Law & Order post?), but the devastation of a young couple and their young children, especially when it's due to the tragic death of one of the parents, really frightens the crap out of me.

I'm sure the level to which these scenarios messed with me this week are due to a number of circumstances in my life right now. For instance, a good friend of mine is dealing with a family member who is going through a potentially life-threatening illness--that family member is a very happy parent of a young child. Another factor is a friend of mine who died earlier this year, leaving behind his wife of nine months. Nothing could be more tragic. And it's all about tragedy and what earns something the identifier of "tragic" for me. I'm pretty sure that this is my psyche's way of addressing the fact that I am now one step closer to being that happy young family with happy young children, not to mention that more and more of my friends are becoming the same--these potential victims of tragedy are becoming less faceless to me; the vague feeling of impending tragedy is perhaps being replaced by real--but still vague--concern for actual people in my life.

I don't walk around crying, nor do I view my friends and family as victims-to-be. This was simply a look at what must be an outward expression of internal emotions, brought on by an external trigger--not unlike a dream. The chemicals in my brain just prompted me to cry while watching Hugh Laurie this time, instead of making me toss and turn all night while trying to re-attach my dog's dismembered feet in some horrible anxiety dream.

Maybe I should lay off the crime dramas for a few days. Go back to something safe and comforting like Sopranos reruns on HBO.


anchovy said...

Interesting introspection. I've noticed that certain themes in movies bring on the waterworks for me. Like you, I think those themes just happen to be areas of concern in my own life. I guess we cry out of a sort of empathy. For me, the movie Forest Gump mean...(getting misty eyed)....

A lot of things become "less faceless" the older we get. It's that whole loss of innocense thing, just part of growing older and wiser. (Mind you, I'm only 29 years wise.)

Say, I like that you put such thought into your posts. I discovered this blog randomly and I hope you don't mind if I come back occasionally and leave a few thoughts of my own.

Deborah said...

I'm happy to have your comments, Anchovy! However, don't count on my posts regularly being this thoughtful. They're mostly full of fart jokes.